Symphony of Friendship in Three Movements
by warinbabylon
Summary: After the adventure in Politics of Soul, several things are changing. It is an interlude between Politics of Soul and their next adventure.


"But will she be all right?

The Doctor stopped in the doorway. Peri glanced over his shoulder and spied Tegan lying on the bed. She looked to be the same older girl that Peri knew well: auburn hair loose from its severe braid lying like a halo about her head, brilliant against the pristine sheets; full red lips slightly open in slumber, a calm, easy look on her face. Tegan was at peace, but it still couldn't remove the fact that Peri had known her to have been in pain.

"Of course she'll be all right, Peri," the Doctor rumbled in return. She couldn't quite place the tone of his voice. It was different than normal, darker and deeper with a hoarse overtone that made Peri's back straighten and shiver in response. "I'll admit it was close, too close, Peri…"

"But how?" Peri began and then continued, whispering, as the Doctor pulled the door completely shut. "How did you bring her back? How did they bring her back?" Peri glanced up and down the stark white corridor in confusion. "Where are we?"

The Doctor sighed and slid his hands into his pockets. He lifted his head tiredly and blinked his eyes at the girl with a smile. "We're in the TARDIS as you well know, Peri," he replied. As she adjusted her weight and crossed her arms over her chest. "This room is a bedroom…"

"_A_ bedroom?"

"Well," he cleared his throat. "My bedroom," he clarified. "Nothing wrong with the one you share with her, Peri, but this one affords greater…quiet. I rarely use it. And it is rather close to the sickbay." Quickly, he changed the topic. "And now in answer to your question, Peri: how do you feel about a story, hmm?"

Peri sighed, but took the lead, a step ahead of him as they walked down the corridor with his hand at her back. "Simply put, Peri, she and I were in a situation two years ago which placed her in a position to have her soul…dislodged. We had the advantageous arrangement to be with a Joiba at the time. She put her soul back and then our run in with our last adventure loosened it. And there were a few on Gallifrey who know how to reattached such things-"

"The vagabonds?"

"The Shagodbans," he corrected in the next breath. "And yes," he continued. "Yes, they have among their number those that can do such things."

"So they just zipped her up?"

"What? Oh," he said after the word sunk in. Despite her ire at him, she cracked a smile; she did enjoy confusing him. "Yes, zipped her up, quite, Peri. There had to be a slight adjustment to a few…"

She stopped walking outside the console room, but the Doctor continued on down the corridor. Confused, she shook her head and after a moment ran to keep up with him. He glanced over at her in mild exasperation and tapped his foot until she caught up with him. She waved her hand back as she caught her breath. "Aren't you going to work on the console? You said that you had to make a few changes before we could take off again…"

"The TARDIS will work, Peri, but we might have trouble traveling…and it was the adjustments that occurred on Gallifrey that need to be rectified…"

"On the TARDIS." She struggled for understanding.

"Elsewhere," he replied enigmatically. She glanced at him. The lights in the TARDIS had been dimmed since they had come back aboard and in the dimness, his blond hair looked darker, but his eyes seemed deeper and…darker than usual. She felt like she was looking at a different man, as if he had changed from a two dimensional being into a three dimensional one or if he had stood in one spot from sunset to night. He was still the Doctor, but was different.

And she thought that the change of vision might be because of the information she had recently learned about Gallifrey, Gallifreyans, Time Lords and him. But she wasn't sure.

At her quizzical look, he continued. "I had to make a slight…" he rolled his hand in the air with a wide gesture. "…change to my own…"

"Your _what_?" She pressed.

"My…psyche, if you will," he stated quickly, almost tripping over the words in his haste to get them said. Peri frowned at him and he responded with a sigh. "There are portions of my psyche that are…."

"That are _what_?" Peri asked as he hesitated.

He turned and looked at her as if confused for a moment and then drew a deep breath. "Yes, well, Peri…" he laid his hand on her shoulder. "To make it easy to understand…there are walled parts of my personality that are created early on in my life…a barrier…an emotional barrier…"

"Emotional detachment." At his nod and surprised look, she continued. "Don't look surprised, Doc, Tegan has told me about it. Are you telling me that they pulled it down?"

"If you like, yes." His hand tightened on her shoulder, squeezed it and then he released her. "I feel like a new man, Peri."

She blinked at him and shook her head. "And Tegan…does she know?"

The look of (fondness?) was lost, disappeared from his face without a trace. "She does."

Her eyes searched his face. For months, years now, she had watched him and Tegan. She had learned the small nuances, the passing glances; the small smiles on Tegan's lips, the surreptitious gentlemanly touches to Tegan's back, arm, even leg by the Doctor. She had spied the gentle, chaste kisses in the dark, chaste and yet heavy with promise; the hand that lingered on her cheek, her neck, his arms, his shoulders. She had become proficient in translating the relationship, she had thought. Her guesses were often her own, but she saw the smile lurking in the Doctor's eye as he slowly nodded in response to her comment needed no translation, no guessing.

"And it makes her happy, doesn't it? You showing something of emotion… "

The Doctor sighed and lifted an eyebrow. "That's an apt description, Peri, yes. Yes, it does and did make her happy, I suppose." His smile grew. "And it makes me feel….happy…as well." He rocked forward on his toes and chuckled for a moment. "Decidedly uneasy, but happy."

"And that's why the TARDIS doesn't work."

"She works," he said with a measure of indignation. "It's not so much the working part, it's the non-intervention part, or rather the non emotionality part… What good would it do to travel, Peri…all of us with our emotions blaring. I can't…travel…its all the keeps… Look, imagine we were to all be emotional, Peri. Imagine what Karn would have been like. We'd all be in danger of interfering everywhere simply to gratify our egos. I can't…do that…there are things I have to do and if I'm incapacitated like that…" he glanced guiltily at Peri and then sighed. "Yes, well, it will be rectified eventually, Peri. Chin up-"

She stared at him and then frowned. "May I ask a question?"

"You've never asked for permission before, Peri. I should worry about the question, then, I think." He nodded in direction and then started down the corridor, his hand at Peri's back to keep her in stride. "What is it? Gallifrey?"

"What isn't worrisome about Gallifrey?"

"Hmm," he replied and opened the door to the galley and allowed her to precede him inside. His face darkened and his voice grew hoarse. "I suspect that Thalia gave you quite a bit of information, Peri. I am glad, very glad, that you are unharmed, but the information was a bit unsettling, yes? Yes, I can see you thought it was." He waved a hand towards the chairs at the table and walked to the stove. "Which governmental line did she cross, Peri? Was it the History of Gallifrey, or tales of my unpardonable youth?"

Peri put her hands on the back of the chair and stared at him as he set about making tea. "Both really. I don't see how you can separate them."

He slowed in his tea making, and appeared to stare at the wall for a moment. Then with a sigh that shook his body, he started again at filling the kettle. "There is a great deal of history to choose from, Peri, as we are one of the oldest races in this Expanse, so I shall have to have you define the extent of the conversation. About what do you have a question, exactly?"

Peri frowned; there was anger in his words. She took a deep breath and then tapped a rhythm out on the back of the chair. "Rassilon."

"Ah, the Greatest of my race, Peri," he said, the measure of sarcasm heavy in the words. "Yes. And if you read A History: Gallifrey, then you know of one of his most damning qualities: the propensity to be a bigot."

"That's an understatement."

"Is it the engineering of Gallifreyan society or his overwhelming need to structure all the Universe that you would like to discuss?"

"You made me…my kind," Peri muttered hotly. "You made Human. And you expect us to file in line."

"It's more of knowing a probability of direction more than expectation…" he offered. His back was still to her.

"Don't patronize me!" Her shout rang off the metallic surfaces in the galley and made the Doctor still in his movements. "And don't back away from this conversation with…long words or dodging the issue. You made human."

He slowly turned from the stove and leaned back against the table at his hip. "I did not. I don't agree with society engineering, Peri. At least, I would hope that you do by now. Time manipulation, helping allow ethical outcomes, making sure history goes…I help out there, but I don't believe in manipulating the whole of society-"

"How can you tell what direction history is going to take? You created all these bipedal or whatever you call it forms and there's only so many directions it all can go from there. So the history is already decided-"

"What's history somewhere is the future elsewhere and vice versa," he responded hotly. "Don't use linear thinking, it'll get you into trouble."

"Stop-"

"All right, Peri!" He yelled and then quickly rubbed at his forehead. Softer: "All right. I can't answer for him; I can't answer for my race and what they did in the early days of the Expanse. I can only answer for me. Do I make you answer for Hilter, for Stalin? Hmm?"

"But how can you go back there? They killed students; they suppress information because it wasn't neat and tidy. And listen to yourself! Douse emotions? Get rid of them because they aren't neat…and oh so tidy…you might actually find you deeply care for something, some cause, someone and have to maybe compromise your….lofty ideals…"

"Peri."

"Thank God we humans didn't become like our makers, huh? We still have emotions. We still care."

He leaned forward and Peri saw a flash of anger in his eyes. A momentary thought flashed through her mind and she saw him standing on the dais above hundreds of thousands of soldiers in his black uniform. What sort of warlord would he have been, had he not been purely logical? She could see the pain in his eyes. "Would you rather me feel the anger, Peri? And unleash it? Do you understand what power we Time Lords have? I might not agree with their damnable politics, but I do understand what I am capable of. And don't tell me it's my ego, young lady. With this technology, with this ability to travel the Universe and all of time, I could simply snap history lines like not so much as a touch. It is possible. One has to stay logical. And…" he tapped his temple carelessly. "And with emotion, it interferes with my thought processes."

"Well if I can't make you answer for your race, then maybe I can make you answer for yourself. How the hell can you go back to Gallifrey? How can you call yourself…"

"Call myself a Time Lord? How can I be their president? Is that what you want answered, Peri?" He slid his hands into his pockets and leaned forward. Under the anger on his face, she saw the professor she knew him to be. "What do you want me to call myself? I am a Time Lord as you are human. I can't change that."

"But how can you return?" she asked, quieter. "And how could you never tell us about…"

"Ah," he muttered and rubbed his temples. "Back to that, are we? Why did I never tell you about Gallifreyan meddling? We might have seeded genes in an evolutionary pool, Peri, but we never dictated how that society should…evolve. That was left to chance."

"You're fucking nonchalant about it. And you're defending them!"

He appeared taken aback by her language, but continued with the conversation. "What you have learned, I suppose, changes how you view me."

"Wouldn't it change yours of someone? You play God!"

The Doctor sighed and released tension, rolling his shoulders with agitation. "I am not God, Peri! I don't agree with them, Peri. I left, centuries ago. But I can't change the fact that I am Gallifreyan, a Time Lord and will be for the rest of my lives. I don't agree with their purpose, their methods at all. But I can't renounce being one; I can't renounce who I am."

She shook her head. "I don't…I can't…"

"Separate me from them?"

"If you hadn't….you went back…willingly and let yourself become a pawn…after everything you've done."

"Sometimes the best work for change occurs on the inside-"

"You sold out."

The Doctor narrowed his eyes and stood silently. Peri imagined she had just crossed an invisible line in the sand. I wonder if this is how Tegan feels, she thought. It was like she was nearing an invisible flame. Taking a deep breath, she continued. "You went back, but you didn't make changes…"

"I am who I am, Peri. I was born a Gallifreyan, made a Time Lord. I disagree with their methods and ends, but I can't change what I empirically am. You want me to go against not only my own culture, Peri, but a culture that is as old as this Expanse itself. Old and corrupt in many ways-" He shook his head.

"If you're going to make a start changing things, why not there-"

"I tried once, Peri," he muttered, his voice low and monotone. "And it resulted in death. Too much death of people very…close…to me." Peri took a deep breath as she swore she saw grief in his face. "I'll thank you very much not to condemn the whole of me, without knowing all sides of the matter. You, of all people, should know that what you read in the history books is simply a form of propaganda put out by the winner to erase or change the essence of the loser. Gallifrey is no different. What you read…about Rassilon, yes that happened and, believe me, you received the kind version. About the Lungbarrow/Pyrodonian uprising, that happened as well. Our interference in the biological evolution of half the known Universe based on Rassilon's bigotry, yes, that's true as well. But you are getting it in a form that only serves Gallifrey's purpose. I am a Time Lord and if I'm to believe the worst of them, Peri, I have to believe the worst in me. And you show me, young lady, any ego that can withstand and continue to exist while constantly pressing the worst. I would paralyze myself. I can't redeem my race, but I can redeem myself."

Peri bit her lip. "And now that you're just going to flick a switch and change yourself back to emotionless. All for the sake of your…"

"My lifeview? Hmm? What would you have me follow, young woman, if not for my own code of conduct? If I can't be true to that, what can I be true to?"

He stopped and stared at her for a moment. "Ah, it challenged your world view, has it? That it wasn't chance that led to Human being the dominant lifeform on Earth? Yes, I could see as it would." He smiled at her huff. "I can't apologize for it. It wouldn't be enough. And if I did, if I tried to help change it, you wouldn't exist, Peri."

"I'm not happy about it."

"And not happy with me by default, I suppose." He sighed and Peri could see him sadly nodding his head. He frowned in pain. "Tegan said that once before of me, but that was for my own actions and not that of my people. I explained myself then, Peri, but I can't explain or make excuses for my race now. We'll have to leave this conversation, argument, what have you, as it stands."

"I don't…"

"You don't understand me."

"I understand…" she sputtered. "I understand that you're going to separate yourself off…that you come from a race that is nothing but powerful bigots and you feel…nothing for either situation."

He tightened his back and straightened to his full height.

"You can't understand, I know," he agreed. He looked back at the kettle and then at the door. "If you'll excuse me…" he responded and stalked off.

Peri winced as the door slammed behind him.

Tegan awoke to the sound of a door shutting. Slowly she blinked her eyes open to see a dim room that she had never seen. A reddish glow warmed the ceiling above her made her think that the she was sleeping in her grandmother's bed with a fire roaring in the hearth. But there was the familiar background hum that shouted TARDIS, but she didn't know what room.

"You're awake."

His voice was as she remembered and she turned her head on the pillow, ignoring the crunch of the down, to see him standing by the wall. She squinted and realized the bed she laid in was partially situated in an alcove.

"Barely. Hell, I feel like I've been run over by a lorry. Did you get its number?"

He walked slowly to the bed and sat down on the edge to look at her. With a sigh, she closed her eyes. "Where have you got me?"

"In my suite of rooms," he replied. Slowly his hand enfolded hers on top of the sheets and his cool fingers interlaced with hers. "I've never brought you here before, have I?"

"I didn't even know you had a room," she admitted.

"I do sleep."

"Rarely."

"Yes, rarely," he agreed. Her gaze followed his to their combined hands. She pressed her palm against his and smiled as his fingers flexed to hold her tightly in his touch. He turned the hand over to look at her palm and then raised it to his lips. She gaped slightly at the forwardness he displayed; her Doc, the one she had known for five years, wasn't this demonstrative.

When he lifted his gaze from her skin to her eyes, she squirmed under it. It was a deep stare, seemingly boring into her soul. He reached out with his other hand to touch at her cheek. "How do you feel?"

"Recovered, mostly," she elaborated. She rubbed at her breast bone. "The pain is almost gone. What does that mean?"

He puffed a breath with a slight shrug. "That your soul has firmly attached and you've rested within yourself would be my supposition."

"Cripes," she whispered. "Soul reattached. I do believe that is the craziest thing that's happened on our travels."

"I did say your boundaries would be expanded."

"They were obliterated, thanks," she said wryly.

He smiled widely and cupped his hand against her cheek. She closed her eyes at the warm feeling his cool skin gave and was rewarded with the feel of his thumb against her chin.

"And Gallifrey?"

"Hmmm?" he asked quietly. His breath brushed her cheek.

"Did you contact someone? What happened?" She breathed.

"I did," he responded. His breath tickled her lips as she opened them to speak again. "There was no bloodshed, Tegan."

"Thank…well…whoever you will," she said quietly. She opened her eyes to see his own heavy lidded and near hers. He couldn't seem to decide where to center his gaze and it flittered between her lips and her eyes. "What happened?"

The Doctor sighed and his hand released hers and rose to burrow under the hair at the nape of her neck. His voice was so hoarse and deep that she fought against the shiver that worked through her body and caused her spine to tingle. "Thalia informed me that the only person held responsible for the peaceful uprising is me. There have been several warrants issued for my arrest. I found the message on the console shortly after I finished a conversation with Peri-"

"Is she all right?"

There was only a moment hesitation, but Tegan knew it was there. "Fine."

"You hesitated with that," she responded in a breath. His lips pressed against the side of her jaw.

"I don't like you knowing me that well," he sighed. "She is fine. We had a slight…argument. Blast if I didn't get angry with her and the topic she chose to discuss."

"Which was?"

"Tegan," he responded in a low, gritty voice. He released his breath in a rush. "Gallifrey, if you must know. And Rassilon. And me and my youth."

"She's come across something she can't rectify, has she?"

He lifted an eyebrow and sat back slightly to look at her face. "The uprising, yes. And Rassilon and my…interactions…with other Time Lords. I suppose you'll want to know-"

"You bet I will," she rumbled. "The two of you fighting could never be good."

He released a bitter laugh. "Thalia told her it all, Tegan. Much more than I've ever told you." He lifted his gaze from the bedspread to stare at her. "Rassilon…seeded…most of the known Universe with bipedal genes, based on the framework of our own bodies, to help control exactly what evolved on planets-"

"Cripes," she breathed and felt anger bubble through her. "Earth?"

"One of the first seeded. It is a temporal nexus point."

She slowly withdrew her hand from where it lay on his leg. With a frown, she slowly shook her head. "And I wondered where you got your arrogance from….it's hard not to be when you're God."

"Tegan…" he sighed and she could see the tensing of his shoulders. His hand gripped the bedspread so that the cool material was bunched in his fist.

"So…you're saying that…along with being the Oldest Race, the most advanced race and the only official time traveling race, you're also…the Creator? And here, you had a problem with the Federation?" Her voice was low. She didn't quite have then energy to fight.

"Tegan…" he started again. "I can't…you know…blast it! I'm not THEM." He stood and paced away from the bed. "You take me to task when I get involved because you saw me want to kill a lifeform. You take me to task for being a Time Lord who never gets involved."

"Yeah, well…" she whispered. Her head ached. With a little more strength she turned her gaze and comment to him. "I consider…seeding…the Universe: getting involved."

"Why do you think we now exist under an edict of non-intervention? Why do you think the information about Rassilon is only found in the Matrix where only the High Council and the President can get at it? Hmm? And…"

She winced. "For me to argue about Rassilon would be like you telling me I'm Hitler."

With a sigh, he released some tension. "You do see that?"

"I've done some growing up. A LOT of growing up on Sylvana, Doc. But…holy hell…engineered our genetics?"

He sighed and retreated to the bed. With a dejected sigh, he sank to the mattress. He continued to look at his hands. She watched his actions with a practiced eye. "You aren't them. And I can't make you accountable for it. Doesn't mean that I'm happy about it. At all. It does give me a reason as to why you're hesitant at times, though…just when the big punch needs to occur. Truthfully, you daft Time Lord, I never considered it to be…oh what do they call it…cosmic guilt?"

"You might have a point there."

"Might?"

"Yes, quite," the Doctor agreed. He switched conversation directions. "Rassilon had his reasons, but none seem to withstand the test of Time. And that because of our…meddling…in the Universe, we have dictated a very fine margin of historical evolution."

Tegan was quiet and searched his eyes. They were downcast, aimed at the bedspread. She could see the blue in them growing darker and less sure. His lips were in a tight frown. He nodded to the side and continued, after he licked his lips. "Not to mention the weeding out and bloodshed he caused in our own society to control information circuits and our own evolution of society. He allowed a very very small margin of nonconforming. We were…not…kind to our own species."

"And Peri wants to know how you could call yourself a Time Lord, or how you can go back…"

"And how I could be their President." He added with a slight chuckle. "Everything in essence."

She frowned. "I don't think I like that knowledge either to tell you truth. And I can fully understand where she's coming from with that, Doc."

His gaze came slowly up to look at her. There was a sad turn to his eyes and they swirled with grey and dark blue. With a swallow, he blinked but she reached out. "I don't like the knowledge, but I can't make you answer for it. Hell's teeth, I know you at least try to do what is right…"

There was silence. She stared at him for a moment and then her eyes widened with a thought. "Can we move the TARDIS? Have they found you? Cripes, don't look at me like that. I'd much rather have an argument with you when I know they won't be immediately hauling you back to Gallifrey in a trumped up set of handcuffs, thank you very much."

"Don't panic, Tegan," he said gently with a smile on his lips. She would almost call it a wistful smile. "They haven't found me. Not yet. Even I don't know where we are; I'm not sure the TARDIS could hazard a guess either. But it is, in all probability, only a matter of time until they do find the TARDIS, us or me. I do have a few cards up my sleeve…"

"Yeah," she retorted. "But more when you are in the vortex than when you aren't. Well, there's nothing for it, then: we'll have to move the TARDIS quickly. We can all argue or not once we're safely in the vortex."

Her statement was met with silence and then a shifting of his body on the mattress. "Tegan…" he finally began with a sigh. "It's not as easy as flicking at switch at the moment."

She stilled. "Hell," she said quietly. "Doc…but it isn't as though you have to have…your emotions."

"I can't move the TARDIS further, Tegan, without them. I can't if I want to actually have direction. I can't be…in a position…"

"Cripes," she said and sat forward, the sheets falling to her waist. "Doc…"

"Hmm, Tegan? Imagine if I had had these emotions blaring on Sylvana…in Babylon."

"What's that got to do with anything?"

His eyes grew dark and wide. "Quite a lot."

She blinked at him and frowned. "What do you mean?"

He reached out hesitantly and then laid the back of his fingers against the softness of her cheek. "The feeling when I saw you on the ship on Sylvana…dirty and injured and tired." He smiled tightly. "I might have welcomed the mating for pups comment in a much different way."

"Doc…"

"I thought I was…enamored with you, Tegan. Quite taken, I believe the words were."

She sat back against the headboard and shook her head.

He agitatedly sighed and shook his head. "It was dull by comparison to the present, brave heart. There, but a shadow…"

"No." She said the word strongly. "We're not going to talk about this," she said with a dry mouth. "Please. Cripes, don't leave me with that in the bag. Hell…"

He leaned forward and let his thumb brush her lip. She silenced at the touch. "Is it what you feel? How you feel?" he asked, curious.

Tegan's eyes widened. His thumb softly brushed the underside of her lower lip, his gaze following his touch. "Yes," she said carefully and slowly. It was the only word she wanted to say; to say more would welcome more than she was ready to handle. "You know that."

He smiled a small grin and leaned in to kiss her lips. The kiss became liquid and languid and she found her hands burrowing in the cool hair at the nape of his neck.

"Are you well?" he whispered hoarsely as he turned a little on the mattress.

"As I can be," she returned, equally quiet.

He rose from the bed and stripped off his coat. And she slowly moved over on the mattress to make room for him.

A gift. It could be considered a gift, like one she would have waited for all year to see under the Christmas tree. The press of his lips against her chin, her neck and her shoulders as he pulled her shirt from her body made her feel precious. Heated glances from under heavy lids, muscles tightening and loosening as she touched his chest, his arms, his legs.

Their night had left the bed devoid of sheets and blankets. She supposed they were on the floor. The lights had remained on through out, allowing her to see his bright blue eyes and his small smiles. It allowed her to not be able to deny the playful and tender manner he used in his lovemaking that was evident in his face, in his visage, in the way he kissed and teased her. There hadn't been a part of her body that hadn't felt his hands or his lips; not that she hadn't returned the favor. And his lovemaking was full of half words and sighs, low chuckles, long kisses and equally long gazes. It all left her speechless and warm, covered in a light film of perspiration.

"Cripes, Doc…" she sighed.

He stopped, his mouth slightly open in what she thought was wonder. She felt the mattress give a little under her as he pressed her into the surface as he kissed her mouth. Cool like the rain, her skin reacted to both his touch and the temperature. Her sigh was met with a low chuckle which grew in intensity as he moved the hair away from her ear and nibbled on her neck. "Was it really any different than before?" he asked with humor.

She ran her hands over his shoulders, down the corded arms as he lifted himself off of her. His gaze housed heat and fondness for her. She swallowed and hiccupped a laugh as he waggled his eyebrows. "Hell's teeth, you're like…"

"Yes?" he urged as he moved up her body, until his hips settled between her legs. "Do wrap your legs around me, Tegan, I rather like that feeling."

"A child on Christmas, if you must know." She ran her hands down his chest as her legs wrapped about his buttocks and thighs. She sobered quickly as she centered her gaze on her hands against his golden skin. "A passionate one…hell's teeth…"

He stilled and then after a moment, balanced on one hand to tilt her chin up to meet her eyes. "Yes, Tegan…passion, a very good word for what…I …feel"

"So you showed me?" she whispered.

He tilted his chin down and looked up at her through his lashes and then gave a sad smile. "I don't know how to do much else with the emotion, Tegan."

"Doc…" she shook her head.

"Let me say it, please?" he urged as she encircled his shoulders with her arms. "Two years of this, Tegan. And I didn't know what it...could…feel like."

She shook her head.

"Tegan…it's only a simple word. A simple collection of words…"

"That will leave me…" she patted the bed agitatedly. "That'll leave me with the words, Doc…and nothing…"

He pressed his finger against her lip. "Tegan, Tegan, Tegan…do you feel that I didn't care deeply for you?"

"I-"

"Yes or no, Tegan," he pressed. She felt his cool breath against her lips.

"No, I knew you cared," she said quietly.

With a smile he traced her lip with his finger. "It would only be a very short sentence to clarify the meaning…and I can say it right here, right now, Tegan and mean every syllable."

"Hell's teeth," she breathed.

He smiled and pressed a kiss to her chin. With a sigh, he levered off of her and lay down on the bed. He glanced at her across the pillow.

She rose on an elbow and stared down at him in the semi-light. His hand lifted and brushed her hair back from her cheek. She wanted to turn her cheek into his touch; to revel in what she was feeling, in the words he had said, but she found herself telling him: "You have to put it back," she warned. "Right where you found it. Or we can't move; you won't allow us to move."

He nodded. "Agreed."

"Can you think of any way not to?"

His gaze darkened a little with pain. "I would if I could, Tegan. I'm willing, but it will take time."

"And for a Time Lord, you always seem to be out of that. How long until Gallifrey looks for you? How soon before we can contact Devon? What about your scripts?""

"They are in all likelihood looking for me now. Those Scripts are damning and when superimposed with early Gallifrey history…" he shrugged a little. "It's one of the main reasons why they didn't pursue the peaceful uprising. I have the damning evidence, the information, and I have control of its release."

"Leave it to Time Lords to find a book damning. And leave it to you to author it."

He chuckled and then sobered. "It's the information that's damning. If the Federation can be traced back to Gallifrey or vice versa, it not only spells out that our origins might not be as pristine as what we thought they were, but it would explain much of our societal evolution and structure. Likewise and extremely more worrying…"

She bit her lip and tried to wrap her mind about what else could be a problem. It was hard to lying next to him naked after a night of wonderful intimacy. She took a deep breath. "Do you think the government, your High Council people, knows about it? About what you've found out?"

"Doubtful," he pressed. "I was involved in the government before I left and have been their president. There's nothing in the Matrix nor was there any information for it in the archives. No, no…" he continued. "No, I firmly believe that they didn't know. But if they know now and the Federation has found a way to survive and transport into this Expanse…"

"A war?" She immediately could tell his thought by the tensing of his muscles that he thought so.

"A cleansing. Gallifrey has done it before; undoubtedly it will do it again."

"So what you've done is given kindling to a fire?" she pressed. A feeling akin to anger bubbled into her throat and she swallowed.

"You see, Tegan," he said as he turned his head fully on the pillow to look at her. "It would only be a matter of time. Someday I will have to show you a complete map of this Expanse. They would find Gallifrey or vice versa sooner or later. If Gallifrey didn't know…"

"They would be sitting ducks?"

"Quite."

"So you think this is good?"

"I haven't a clue what it is," he admitted. At her frown, he squinted. "Blast it, Tegan…I hadn't expected to have my world view ruined either you know. It would be like finding out your grandfather ran a concentration camp. But I do know that Gallifrey couldn't hope to win the battle. The Federation is twice as old as our own species."

"Is that your educated word on the matter, Supremo?"

"Yes. I know the defense systems and I know that Gallifrey thinks itself the pinnacle of evolution and technology in the Universe. Complacency goes hand in hand with arrogance like that. We've never had to deal with such a situation. But it would try. It would die trying to keep it's place at the top of the pyramid. And they would want to deny all…political, evolutionary, philosophical….any background with the Federation." He ran his finger down her chin and neck to the top of her chest. His gaze followed his hand. "It would be bloody and Rassilon knows it would devastate more than just our corner of Mutter's Spiral. I can't allow that to happen."

She shook her head. "You're one Gallifreyan…"

"With knowledge. But I can't do anything without moving the TARDIS…"

"Which brings us back to-"

He sighed. "The matter at hand," he agreed. His gaze met hers. "What do you think, Scourge?"

"I'm the heart, not the brain."

"A brave heart, yes, and one with experience in guerilla warfare, Tegan." He closed his eyes for a moment.

"You know the answer to that. If you can do something, I know you would do something, anything to stop something like that…it isn't in Gallifrey's past…"

"It is in it's future," he said quietly. "But yes, I would do something. You know me well enough."

"At your own expense…" she sighed.

He searched her eyes. "Would you hate me for it?"

"How could you bring that up?" She nearly shouted. "Blasted hell, I would hate you more if you sat back and sipped drinks while the neighborhood went up in flames."

"I don't know how long until I could…I mean…" he swallowed. "Yes, well, it might be some time before I could not use the TARDIS…but you know why I can't travel…go where I need to go for this…I need my ability to not…you see…the way that…."

"If you keep these emotions, you'll allow entanglement. If you allow entanglement, you'll not be able to make a logical decision on actions."

"You understand, then."

She shrugged. "With my mind, yes, but… Hell, you've told me about this for the past two years. I did listen, you know."

He smiled, but it was a sad smile.

She bit her lip. "You can't not do it, Doc."

His gaze centered fully on hers. "Would I lose you?"

"Lose?" she asked quietly. "After everything else and I'm still here? Cripes, Doc…you have to do it."

With a sigh he called out a word to the room. The lights dimmed and extinguished. She felt his hand burrow under her hair at the nape of her neck and gentle pressure to lead her down to kiss him. When she pulled away, she kissed his chin. "I'm not going anywhere, Doc, I promise."

His smile was barely visible in the dark. "Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you." His fingers brushed her cheek. With a deep breath, she laid down her head on his chest and felt his arm surround her. After a moment, he pressed a kiss to her brow and rubbed his chin on the crown of her head.

She wasn't sure if she fell asleep with tears on her cheeks, but it certainly felt like it.

"And this is it?"

She looked down at their joined hands and shook her head forcefully. In the stark white of the corridor, their intimacy seemed strange, but welcome. They were in a part of the TARDIS she had never seen previously. The Doctor squeezed her hand in his and she glanced at his face. "It is, Tegan."

She glanced at the door. It looked no different from any other door in the TARDIS, but she felt like she was looking on the door of heaven or hell. "And…"

"A day in all probability," he said quietly as he puffed a breath. "You'll see me in a day."

"A day."

He nodded. With a dejected sigh, he reached for her other hand. "Tegan…"

"Do it. Don't drag your feet," she warned. "Don't." She swallowed. "Cripes, it's worse to drag it out. You know that. You have to do it."

He looked at the door and then back at her. She shook her head forcefully. "Look, I'm for this…spoil me more with this bit of emotion you have and I'll be worse off, trust me. Now get in there…I'll see you in a day. Don't worry about us…it'll be worse than anything if Gallifrey finds us."

"Always the voice of motivation," he said tenderly. He lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it before he leaned into her to do the same to her lips.

She bit her lip hard as he pressed another kiss to her brow. "Please…"

"Remember what I told you, Tegan," he said strongly. "Mind that."

His eyes were so sad that she felt tears pressing at her own eyes. Without another word, he turned, straightened his back and seemed to steel his spine. Then he walked forward without looking back.

She knew why he did it. It was hard to not feel the slight hesitance as he reached out for the door. She breathed a quiet "Love you" to his back as he opened the door. He glanced over his shoulder, and she saw a tear, one, in his right eye. Then his chin tightened and he swung the door open, disappearing into the dark interior.

Tea. Somehow she found herself in the galley making tea. There was an already full kettle sitting on the stove and a mug on the edge of the counter. She found the Earl Grey in the back of the cabinet and pulled it down. The familiar smell of it brewing made her feel grounded and the sounds of puttering around in the kitchen were comforting.

The only thing missing were her jeans, but she didn't want to go back to a room, any room, with a bed.

After the kettle whistled, she poured a cup of tea and sat down at the table and wrapped her cold hands about the mug. She was too tired to cry.

The door creaked open next to her and she lowered the mug to see Peri's familiar face peeking around the corner. She smiled wanly she supposed. "Peri?"

Her friend entered the room, closing the door quietly. "Tegs," she said happily. "How are you feeling?"

"Whole," Tegan admitted. She supposed it was truthful.

Peri crossed the room with a small smile and hugged her over the back of the chair. "I am so glad you're back in one piece, Tegan. We thought you were…"

"On my way to dying," Tegan sighed. "Yeah, the Doc told me as much. He got me back though; stopped me from catching the next train out."

Peri sighed and squeezed her tight. Tegan wrapped her hand around her friend's arm and returned the friendly squeeze. "Thank you for doing what you did…staying with that Thalia person, Peri. The Doc told me he wouldn't have been able to do what he had to as quickly as he did. You two…came for me."

"As if we could leave you," Peri whispered into her hair. "You're like…"

Tegan smiled fully and looked up at the girl. "It's the same with you, Peri; I wouldn't know what to do if something happened to you."

Peri returned the grin and came slowly around the table to sit in the other chair. "Hell yeah, Tegs." She looked at the mug and then back at her friend. "I smell Earl Grey."

Tegan tilted the mug forward to let her friend see the liquid.

"You only drink that when you're…it's your comfort drink," Peri clarified. She sighed and tapped her finger on the table. "I haven't seen the Doctor in a day or so."

With a nod and a sigh, Tegan stated: "He had me-"

"In his room," Peri finished with a grin. "Yeah, I knew. That was a bit more…"

"…demonstrative?" Tegan said as she sipped the tea. She met Peri's eyes. "He's emotional. He's…"

"Different." Peri got up and went to the stove. After a moment, she found another mug. Tegan nodded as she sipped her drink. "Very."

She couldn't describe the emotion on Peri's face when the girl sat down across from her. "Did he mention about our…argument?"

Tegan swallowed and nodded slowly. "He was upset about it."

"Serves him right," Peri warned quietly. She glanced up at Tegan with a frown. Her brown eyes narrowed and she sprawled in the chair. "Really, Tegan…if you knew some of the things-"

"That Rassilon engineered the Universe? He was a right bastard from what I've learned through the Doc: a bigot."

Peri flattened her hand on the top of the table with a resounding slap. "He's just like them, Tegan. We saw that with Sylvana and Sarn. He can be ruthless…"

"He's never hurt us," Tegan answered back tightly, her voice growing a little in volume.

"He could have changed them, worked on them, done something to-"

"He lost people dear to him, Peri. I don't think he wants to go through that again."

"Bullshit," Peri nearly roared. "We're traveling with one of them, Tegan, one of those Time Lords…they made us…"

Tegan nodded slowly. "Yes, yes we are, Peri. And we have been for years. He came after us on Sarn. He has done a great many things to keep things working as they should, at his expense at our expense…but he would never hurt us." She shook her head with a sour turn of her lips. "You can't make him answer for something that his race did-"

"I can make him answer for his own actions, Tegs," Peri said gently, calming her voice down. She looked at the tea.

"I tried to hold him accountable for his actions once," Tegan replied. "I tried and grew to understand. I wasn't wrong, but he wasn't either. He did what he had to do, what he felt he had to do…I can't fault him for that. Hell, I do what I feel I have to constantly. "

Peri shook her head and traced her finger on the edge of her mug. "He gallops around the Universe trying to arrange and change and organize…when he can't even get his own planet…life!...in order."

Tegan sighed. "Cripes, Peri, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you that he is a manipulative bastard?"

"He was a warlord."

"If you recall," Tegan defended, her voice strong. "He did that to find us."

Peri settled, dejected in the chair and looked at Tegan across the table. The only sound was their combined breaths as they sat. After a few moments the girl shrugged. "Where is he?"

Tegan grimaced and sat forward in the chair, her elbows on the table. The mug warmed her palms as they wrapped about them. "You know about his emotions?"

"He has them, you mean," Peri replied. A long absent smile crossed her lips and she nodded to her friend. "I might be angry at him, Tegs, but I do know that that's an unexpected but welcomed thing for you, isn't it?"

Tegan sighed and looked down at her hands.

"Well come on, he was AWOL all night…not in the console room, not in here, the study…"

"He was with me," Tegan admitted.

"It was nice?"

Tegan's lips lifted into a smile. "It was very nice."

Peri grinned and sat forward. Tegan reacted by shaking her head forcibly. "No, no…Peri…he's had to ….set it right."

"Set it right?"

Tegan waved her hand agitated to the side. "Rabbits! His emotions, all right? He has to shove his emotions back behind his detachment wall, all right! He's gone to done that. He has to…" She took a deep breath and mournfully looked back up at Peri. "He has to, you know. We can't move without it."

Peri grimaced and rose quickly. As she approached Tegan around the table, she saw pain and loss in Tegan's eyes. She knelt by the side of the chair and enfolded Tegan in a hug. Memories of Sylvana flooded her mind: of Tegan holding her while she cried for what she thought was the loss of her old life, for the loss of the Doctor. As Tegan silently and gently cried, Peri kept her friend enfolded in an embrace and gave what support she could. The rest of the argument could wait until later, she knew. Her friend was feeling loss.


End file.
